Good vs Evil
by kitkat681
Summary: The Devil has released his son, the Anti-Christ on the world.  God has asked his only child to save the people of the Earth.  Too bad neither of them wanted the job.  Jesus is a chick?  Rated M for sexy times and a complete disregard of Christian beliefs.
1. Chapter 1

**Uh oh…Drabbling again. I really need to stop these plot bunnies from taking hold. Blame this on the episode of 'American Dad' I watched last night.**

**Do not read this if you are at all offended by the following ideas:**

**The Rapture**

**The Anti-Christ**

**Jesus as a chick**

**A complete disregard for Christian beliefs**

**I'm going beta-less with this one…so errors are all me. I'm thinking a chapter a day…**

**I'm going straight to hell (Well…if I believed in that sort of thing)**

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

I sat back on the lounge chair and watched as the flames licked up the waves as they crested on the scorching hot beach.

The sky was dark gray, the kind of gray that made you think of smog and death.

"I have your drink, sir."

I turned my head and looked down at the vile creature that held a bright orange concoction balanced safely on its tray.

The thing was only three feet tall, but the razor sharp teeth that filled its mouth and the vicious barbs that covered its long tail showed that just because you were small, didn't mean you weren't deadly.

"Thanks," I sighed, taking the glass from him with a nod.

"Your father has asked that you join him for dinner."

"And you can tell him that I respectfully decline…again."

"I tried to tell him you'd say that," he mumbled, before he turned around and slithered off.

Fuck my father.

I didn't ask to be born to him.

Just because he has plans for my life, doesn't mean I'm just going to bend to his will.

So what if he_ is_ the Devil.

**See you tomorrow…**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay…so you're in…excellent. I'll give you a twofer today.**

**We will alternate POVs for each chapter…**

**BPOV**

"He's planning something; I can feel it in my bones."

"You've been saying that for centuries. Eventually you will have to accept that he is probably down there toasting marshmallows over the smoldering bones of his enemies," I huffed at his dramatics.

He was seriously getting on my last nerve.

"Just because you refuse to believe, doesn't mean it isn't true."

I turned on my chair and looked over at him.

His bright white hair reflected the clear sunlight as it streamed down from above.

His eyes, so brilliantly blue, blinded me for a moment.

My father was spectacular.

"I refuse to believe, because I just can't accept that he would get his son to be a pawn in this stupid feud you two have been dragging out," I replied with a smile.

"I really wish I would have had a son, like it was foretold," he sighed, putting his head down in his hands.

I felt bad for him…for about a second.

"Well you didn't. Somewhere along the lines, the writer of your stupid tale messed up and instead of getting a son who would one day save the world against the rise of the Underworld, you got a daughter. Suck it up, _Dad."_

**Oh my…**

**See you tomorrow.**


	3. Chapter 3

**BellaEdwardlover1991 is sweet and bored and is taking the reins on this puppy. She is quickly learning I have a sick obsession with ellipses…**

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

"Edward!"

I didn't even bother looking behind me.

I could tell who it was from the way the temperature had risen as his footsteps got closer.

"Yes Daddy? Did you need something?" I teased as I lifted my drink up to my lips nonchalantly.

"Damn it, Edward! You know I need to you do this for me. Why can't you just help me out?" he growled.

I finally lifted my eyes to where he stood next to me, and couldn't repress my shudder.

Damn was he hideous.

Flesh hung from the white cage of his ribs, his organs visible through the spaces between the bones.

His face was covered in squirming roaches and spiders, their little legs propelling them through the empty sockets of his eyes and up his nose.

And don't get me started on the smell.

"I refuse to let you use me like I'm chess piece. You can't move me around at your will!" I snapped, smashing my drink down on the table as I stood.

I tried desperately not to pee my pants as he looked down at me.

"You will do this for me," he said softly, menacingly.

"And if I refuse?" I replied, needing to know exactly what bargaining chips he held.

"If you refuse, then I will see if Adolf wants to go back and play," he whispered, saying the words so casually as if he hadn't just threatened to unleash a monster back on the Earth.

"You wouldn't," I choked out, knowing full well that he would do it.

"Try me."

I hung my head as I realized that no matter what I wanted…

This was happening.

**So…it is hard trying to imagine who might be in Hell and who would be in Heaven. But I think I did a pretty decent job. **

**So…Edward is the Anti-Christ. Does that mean the Devil is Carlisle? Hmmmm?**

**Tomorrow…**


	4. Chapter 4

**BellaEdwardlover1991 fixed the flow. I suck at flow. **

**Love that you love that I'm fucking with...well...everyone!**

**Posting tonight cause I have to run 8 miles tomorrow...ugh.**

**You _may_ get another one tomorrow...possibly.  
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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

"You're kidding me, right?" I yelled as I fought against the gentle hands that restrained me.

My father stood before me, resplendent in his white robes.

"Isabella…you are not the child of God that was foreseen, but you are the only one that can defeat the Anti-Christ that the Devil has unleashed on the world. Today you will be sent down in the hope that you can succeed in stopping his evil plans. For if you don't…"

He was silent for a moment.

"It will be the end for us all."

"Dramatic much, Dad?" I laughed as their hands released me and I went flying over the edge of the cloud.

I looked back up at my father's face as he peered over the side.

"Don't let me down, Bella!"

As I flipped him the bird, I swore I saw a smile spread beneath his rocking white mustache.

**Thank afmtoo for the 'stache shout-out :)**

**Tommorrow...**


	5. Chapter 5

**There was an update fail...so I'm trying this again. Sorry for the double alert...**

**BellaEdwardlover1991 is like lightning...I think the brevity of these chapters helps :)**

**So...I was going to just do two miles this morning, then I felt guilty. So I was going to push and do four...but I remembered I told you I would do eight. So I sucked it up and did eight.**

**I owe it all to you :)**

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

The little creature burrowed through the dirt above my head, tunneling our way out of Hell.

Its clawed hands made quick work of the rock and earth that surrounded my father's prison.

I didn't want to do this.

I didn't want to fight Jesus to the death in the hopes that I would be able to free my father and his cohorts.

To be honest, I thought my dear old dad deserved to be where he was.

Hell was the perfect place for a soulless monster like him.

But he had me by the short and curlies, and he knew it.

I knew if he let Adolf free, it would only be the start.

Every dictator and murderer would be let loose on the world.

And I couldn't have that on my conscience.

I squinted against the bright light as we finally broke through the surface.

The creature squealed and darted back into the safety of the underground, while I slowly pulled myself from the hole and stood on the Earth for the first time.

Looking around, I wondered why I was even thinking about saving the place.

**Oh Edward...an Anti-Christ with a conscience. Gotta love it.**

**I need help...who do you think would be in Heaven and who is in Hell?**

**Tomorrow...**


	6. Chapter 6

**BellaEdwardlover...I owe you.**

**So...If I didn't turn off my anon reviews...I think Born might have found a way to hack into my account and do it for me.**

**Hitler in Hell= me NOT being anti-Semitic...but whatever. If you want to accuse me of things, now you'll have to sign in to do it. **

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

The air ghosted up my shirt, yanking it from the waist of my jeans as I slowly floated down to the ground.

I looked around the fantastically colored meadow around me and understood why my father had me land where I did.

There was no way I could let such majesty be ruined.

I took a deep breath of clean air before I turned and started to walk toward the woods.

A huge body stood at the edge of the meadow.

"Isabella?" his deep voice boomed, no doubt scaring the wildlife for miles around.

What now?

"Yeah?"

"Your father has sent me to guide you on your way," he said cheerfully, unfurling his enormous wings and soaring over to me.

I looked up into his dimpled face and couldn't help but return his smile.

"I'm Emmett," he said, holding out his massive palm.

He held my hand gently in his as we shook and then he lifted me up and tossed me onto his back.

His wings spread wide as he launched us into the air.

"Where are we going?" I called loudly, trying to be heard over the rushing wind.

"We have word that the Anti-Christ has ascended. I am taking you to where he was last seen."

"And where was that?" I asked, holding tightly to his shoulders as he started to fall gracefully toward the ground.

"New York City."

**Your ideas for who is where are awesome. Kelly J...you must be in my mind :)**

**Tommorrow...  
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	7. Chapter 7

**So glad you guys support this little foray into my fucked up mind.**

**Oh and BellaEdwardlover gave me this face for the upcoming chapters :-O  
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**So...if Emmett is in Heaven...**

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

"Yo…Devil boy!"

I spun around and looked at the leather-clad Amazon that was striding across the street.

Her platinum blonde hair was pulled back in a severe ponytail, pulling her face along with it.

"My name is Edward."

"Yeah…whatever. You'll always be Devil boy to me. My name is Rosalie. So listen…I've been sent by your daddy to make sure you don't fuck this up," she said, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a pack of cigarettes.

"Don't you know that shit'll kill ya?" I taunted, hoping she might take the bait and we would fall into an intelligent conversation about the health risks of smoking.

I was _dying_ for some intelligent conversation.

I had been surviving the last two hundred years listening to the worst kinds of people talking about why they hated the people they hated and how many different ways they wanted to kill them.

Yeah…really fun people to have at a barbeque.

But no…she simply smiled brilliantly as she flicked her silver lighter.

"If everything goes according to plan…we'll all be dead soon anyway."

**Tomorrow...**


	8. Chapter 8

**So most of you approve of the placement of Emmett and Rosalie. We shall see where the rest of the crew ends up...**

**BellaEdward1991...as I'm writing this I'm realizing that if that is your age I am 10 years older than you are...**

**Holy shit I'm old ;)**

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

Flying on Emmett's back wasn't as fun as I thought it would be.

Apparently using his wings made him very gassy.

"Jesus Christ, Emmett," I gagged as he ripped another one.

"Didn't you just take your own name in vain right there?" he teased as he slowly broke through the cloud cover and we descended towards the ground.

"Ha ha…I'm dying right now. You sure are creative," I spat as he landed delicately on his feet and folded his wings back into his…well…spine.

"I know."

I looked around the dirty alley that we were standing in with disgust.

I had spent the last 200 years of my life living among clouds and the most amazing examples of humanity that ever existed.

And now I was in the most atrocious city in the world.

How in the hell did my father expect me to save the planet?

**How in the hell indeed...**

**Just one today...but you'll get a twofer tomorrow :)  
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	9. Chapter 9

**Part one of the twofer...**

**BellaEdwardlover is indeed ten years my junior. At least I couldn't have been her mother. When that happens...I'll cry :(**

"Take this," Rosalie said, shoving a black-handled knife into my hand.

I looked down at it with disdain.

"I don't do weapons," I snapped, trying to hand it back to her.

"Yeah…well I don't _do_ dead. So take the fucking thing and let's go. The minions have reported that Christ is on the ground," she said, throwing her thick swath of hair over her shoulder.

"So what exactly am I supposed to do? Kill him?" I asked, struggling to keep up with her long strides.

"Did you not pay attention to your father at all before you left Hell?" she huffed, skidding to a halt.

"No…the sight of him kinda made me nauseous. You'll forgive me if I skipped father/son bonding time."

She turned and looked at me, her boots making her tower above me.

"You are to take the knife of the Devil himself and carve out the heart of the Savior. Only then, as the organ lays beating in your hand, can the Underworld be free."

I stared up into her wild eyes and realized that I was surrounded by insanity.

Looked like I'd have to deal with things myself.


	10. Chapter 10

**Part two of the twofer...**

**And who are you to talk Born? You've been giving us like...threefers. Pffttt...**

"So, you need to take this and keep it close to you," Emmett said, handing me a silver-handled dagger.

"Whoa…I shouldn't be trusted around sharp things. You heard what happened that time William Wallace tried to teach me how to use a sword."

I felt so bad when I cut off Braveheart's peen, but it was totally an accident.

"Well Ms. Christ, if you don't take this, then there is no way for us to defeat the Anti-Christ," he said, putting his fists on his hips.

"What the fuck are you talking about? I thought I had to like…bibbidy bobbidy boo him back to Hell and everything would be fine?"

"Your father has been waxing poetically for decades about what would happen when the Anti-Christ was released, and you're telling me you never once listened to him?" Emmett asked, appalled.

"No you flying fart machine, I never listened to him. I didn't expect to be the one down here doing this!"

He looked at me for a moment before he got all serious and started speaking as if he was reading from a script.

"You are to take the blessed dagger, God's only weapon, and thrust it between the ribs of the Anti-Christ. Only then, when his lifeblood oozes onto the rich dirt of the Earth, will the evil of the world be locked away...forever."

I looked up at him for a moment…

Before bending over and hurling all over his shoes.

**Yep...puke. I loves me some puke. **

**Tomorrow...**


	11. Chapter 11

**I love sending BellaEdwardlover a bunch of chapters and getting *drops everything to read* as a reply :)**

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

"Can you feel him?" Rosalie asked, her voice hushed and awed as we walked through the quickly darkening streets.

"Feel him? No, the only thing I feel is annoyance that I'm tromping through this dirty city with you," I laughed humorlessly.

"You do realize that I could snap your neck with ease if I wanted to. I have the power to squish you like a bug," she growled, twisting her fingers together so they cracked and popped.

"Do it," I taunted, already over the threats and drama. "I don't want to be here. He threatened me…that's the only reason I'm doing this."

"I can't believe that you refuse to accept your role. You are the Anti-Christ. You must wield your power to free the wrongfully accused from their fiery prison!" she shouted, pounding her fist in the air.

"Wrongfully accused? You're trying to tell me that Stalin and Hitler were innocent? That people like Mao Zedong and Jack the Ripper were just in the wrong place at the wrong time? I'm seriously thinking that you all are nuts. I've had the unfortunate pleasure of actually speaking with these people. They are just…horrible! They deserve to be there and I'm thinking that you would fit in quite nicely."

I'm up against the rough brick wall before I'm even conscious of moving.

Rosalie's arm is pressed against my throat, ceasing the flow of air to my lungs.

In short…she's killing me.

"You think this is a game? I have spent the last 200 years preparing for this fight in the hopes that I might get free one day. Do you know my crime? What I did that was so terrible that His Lord and Savior sent me down to Hell? I was raped and after I recovered, I hunted down the man that did it and I killed him. _That _is what earned me my ticket to eternal damnation. I was owed retribution for what he did to me. An eye for an eye and all that. I mean, God spelled it out in that damn book of His, yet when someone tries to do it, He condemns them. You _have_ to help other people like me get their freedom," she snarled in my face, oblivious to the fact that my mouth was moving like a fish, desperately trying to get oxygen to my slowly dying tissues.

She let go and I dropped to the ground, gasping and coughing.

Some Anti-Christ I am, letting a girl nearly kill me.

"So…get off your ass and help me. Or I'm telling on you."

**I love me some Rose...**

**Tomorrow...**


	12. Chapter 12

***Sigh* Bad day people...bad, bad day.**

**But the good news is ff seems to have its shit back together  
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><p>"Damn…my shoes are gonna stink," Emmett sighed as he swished his puke-covered kicks through a puddle.<p>

I tried to apologize…again, but he waved me off.

"It's fine. Now…take the dagger and let's try and find this guy."

The heavy weight of the blade felt familiar in my palm, but I was scared shitless.

"The word on the cloud is that he has arrived and he is not alone," Emmett said seriously, making me giggle at his description.

"The word on the cloud? Is that like the word on the street? You guys kill me!" I laughed, bending over and holding my stomach as the cackles erupted from my gut.

Better laughter than vomit.

"You think this is a game…don't you?"

I fell silent as his words registered, and looked up at his grave face.

"I don't think it's a game. I just can't believe that after 200 years of peace, it all comes down to a battle between the spawn of Satan and little ol' me."

"Well it does…and the fate of the world is in your hands. So stop fucking around and help me find him."

"Fine, but you don't have to be such a dick about it," I sighed as I tucked the dagger into the back of my jeans and walked off toward the street.

Something was pulling at me…like the tension of a string, yanking at my soul.

So against my better judgment, I obeyed the call.

**Twofer? Yeah...one more.  
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	13. Chapter 13

**So...you've been waiting for it...**

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><p>"Okay, so I know I made fun of you earlier, but I think I might actually be feeling something now," I said, hating that she was right.<p>

"I knew you would once we got close enough. Just follow the pull," she encouraged as she reached between her ample breasts and pulled out a thin-bladed dagger.

"I thought I was the one who had to take care of him?" I asked, hoping that maybe I would be saved the violence.

"You do, but he has protection. I'll deal with the angel while you take care of Christ."

Never thought I'd ever hear those words.

My gut tightened to the point of pain as I rounded the corner and we entered into Time Square.

People moved like ants around us…ignorant to the drama that was about to unfold.

We were invisible to them, and for that I was glad.

"He's here…I can feel it," I whispered, my eyes flashing over the faces of the crowd.

And then…

"Holy shit…Jesus Christ is a chick."

**Damn...what a place to end. **

******Tomorrow...**


	14. Chapter 14

**Twofer today...**

**BellaEdwardlover...she kills me. She has some AMAZING stories (I'm partial to 'The Roommate' and 'Sunshine's Path'.) Check them out.**

**My beta from another mother, Melanie, is slaying me wide open with 'Snowbound'. Seriously.  
><strong>

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

The smell of brimstone and sulfur made my nose tingle as we weaved our way through the New Yorkers.

They had no idea the Anti-Christ walked among them.

Emmett hovered close behind me, his eyes constantly on the move.

What would he look like, I wondered.

As much as I had tried to tune out my father's ramblings on the Devil, some of his attributes had implanted themselves in my mind.

The horns.

The bugs.

The flesh that hung from exposed bone.

Damn, if the son was as bad as the father, I might lose my lunch again.

My feet faltered on the raised edge of the sidewalk and I reached out to steady myself on Emmett's arm.

But as soon as my fingers grabbed onto the firm limb, I knew it was not Emmett I was holding.

I slowly looked up into the face of the Anti-Christ…

And felt my panties get wet.

My fingers itched to grab hold of his insanely wild mop of hair and force his face between my thighs.

My nipples hardened as if in supplication to his perfection.

His eyes narrowed slightly as I felt Emmett come up behind me.

The growl he let loose worked its way into my bones, vibrating in the same rhythm of my heart.

"Time to go to work, Devil boy," the blonde Hell's Angel wannabe behind him said as she glared at me.

"Jesus Christ," he whispered.

"Actually…I go by Bella," I smiled, just before I reached into the back of my pants and held the blade of my dagger against his throat.

"I think we need to talk."

**Um...ya think?**


	15. Chapter 15

**Number two of the twofer...**

**Oh and by the way...there are only three chapters left.  
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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

She laughed, a husky sound that had my gut clenching.

She smelled so damn good…like lavender and cookies and just fucking amazing.

I looked down past the silver hilt of her dagger that was pressed against my throat and saw that the fly of my pants was stretched to epic proportions.

Holy shit…I was rocking a woody.

I had never had an erection a day in my life.

But it wasn't as if there was too much of a temptation down in Hell.

I mean…Eva Braun and Elizabeth the First of England don't exactly inspire erotic thoughts as they reminisce over the thousands of people they had killed during their time on earth.

Yeah…makes me wanna just throw them down and make them scream my name.

Not.

So this new development confused the fuck outta me.

I mean…she is my arch enemy.

But the way her fragrance worked its way into my brain and my soul…

Damn I was in trouble.

"You want to talk? I think that we're past talking and heading right toward getting you fitted for a coffin, Fire Boy," she whispered in my ear, her luscious tits pressing against my arm as she forced the blade into my skin.

"I think we can work through this if we just stay calm," I choked out, trying not to swallow or else I worried that sharp edge might slice off my Adam's apple.

I felt the brush of her breath against my skin as she started to speak, but a commotion behind her halted her words.

She spun us around, her grip on that blade never faltering, and we watched as her oversized bodyguard started to tangle with Rosalie.

They were evenly matched, even with their size differences, and I knew that it would be a long battle.

"We are so outta here," Jesus Chick mumbled, walking backwards and dragging me along with her.

Well what the fuck am I going to do now?

**Yes, Devil boy...what now?**

**Now I'm off to an Easter Egg hunt and my littlest's first birthday party. And I gotta run...after dealing with about 100 little rugrats...I'll need the run.  
><strong>

**Tomorrow...**

**Oh yes...and APRIL FOOLS...I'm working on chapter 37 right now...with no end in sight.  
><strong>


	16. Chapter 16

**I'm being bribed to give you more by Bexie25. She is giving me more 'How to save a life' and I am giving you ONE more of this...**

**But that's it! ONE more. Then you'll have to wait till tomorrow.**

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

I was shocked as shit that the Hotness from Hades was allowing me to drag him around like a rag doll, but I wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Maybe he would hold still long enough for me to…gah.

Even thinking about having to stab him in the chest had me freaking out.

My back hit a wall and I turned and noticed a door next to me.

I didn't hesitate as I reached for the handle and pushed him inside, shutting the door behind us.

The hallway was dark, but there was a faint glow coming from the blade of my dagger, which gave me enough light to see that he was just laying there…staring up at me.

"I won't kill you, I swear I won't," he rasped as he rubbed his throat.

"And yet somehow your promises ring false. Perhaps it has something to do with who your father is," I said, maintaining my dominant position over him.

Even if the sight of him made me want to strip naked and beg him to ravish me, I had a job to do.

I would protect the unrepentant heathens of the Earth...

Even if it killed me.

**Tomorrow...**


	17. Chapter 17

**I love reading your reviews...seriously. I wish I had time to reply to more of them...but if I had time for that, I would probably just spend it writing anyway ;)**

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

The cement was cold and hard under my ass, but the hate reflected in her eyes hurt worse.

"I mean it. You can just do what you have to do. I don't want my father to get out. So just…do it already," I said, closing my eyes and spreading my arms wide.

Minutes passed and nothing happened.

I blinked my one eye open, hoping she didn't pick that moment to come at me, but she was just standing there.

"Are you for real? You aren't here trying to free them?"

I looked up at her, once more feeling my body react to her beauty…to her fragrance...to _her_.

"I came up here because he forced my hand. He deserves to be where he is. I didn't ask to be his son…he found a way to come up and knock up some woman and then took me the minute I was born. Since then it has been two hundred years of warming my toes next to the flaming lake and having to listen to the worst of humanity brag about their crimes. You'd be doing me a favor if you just put me out of my misery," I said with a grimace.

I mean…I didn't _want_ to die.

But if it meant saving the world, I'd take one for the team.

**You go Edward...**

**One more today...but you aren't going to like me.**


	18. Chapter 18

**BPOV**

You have _got_ to be kidding me.

He was sacrificing himself?

The son of Satan was willingly giving up his life in order to save the world.

The blade slipped from my fingers and clattered to the ground, the sound deafening in the empty hallway.

His eyes, so green and bright, snapped up to mine.

"I can't do it," I whispered as my knees started to go weak.

I sunk down to the ground, inches from where he lay sprawled on the floor.

"You can…you _have_ to. If not, he'll find some other way to kill you!" he yelled, scrambling for the dagger and trying to shove it into my hand.

His skin was so soft and warm as he held my hand in his and wrapped my fingers around the hilt of the blade.

His breath fanned across my face as he spoke, his voice laced with desperation.

"You have to kill me."

He raised our clasped hands up and angled the tip of the dagger toward his chest.

His eyes were frantic, wide and frightened as the point made contact with the fabric of his shirt.

But that was it…the blade refused to go any further.

"Come on! Do it!" he yelled, but it would not move.

He looked at me, tears dampening his lashes.

"You can't let them out," he pleaded.

"That's enough now, Edward."

I spun toward the familiar voice, the dagger falling to the ground once more.

My father stood in the darkness...his white robes looking out of place in the grimy hallway.

"I know you tried, my boy. You did not deserve to have this thrust upon you," he soothed as he walked toward us.

He smiled at me as he stooped down and picked up the blade.

"It's over now, Edward."

Suddenly and without warning, my father's hand moved and the dagger slipped between Edward's ribs.

He looked over at me, fear covering his face as the tears fell freely down his cheeks.

As his blood dripped down onto the unforgiving concrete floor, he closed his eyes and smiled.

And then he was gone.

**Told ya...but you know you love me and trust me.  
><strong>

**Do it BellaEdwardlover...do the face...O.o**

**Tomorrow...**


	19. Chapter 19

**EPOV**

The pain was excruciating but fleeting.

The sharp point of the dagger sliced easily through the fragile layer of skin and between the gaps of bone to my heart.

And as I looked over God's shoulder…and saw the horror on Bella's face I realized that he was saving his only child from having to kill me.

And I was thankful that he had spared her the duty.

As the darkness overtook me and I began to drift, I could only hope that I would end up on a puffy cloud in Heaven and not back in Hell.

Because I had a feeling, dear old Dad would be kinda pissed that I had failed.

**Yeah...ya think?**

**TWOFER...**


	20. Chapter 20

**BPOV**

"Oh my…you! What have you done?" I screamed, pushing against his arm as I watched the color fade from Edward's cheeks until he was nothing but a pale specter of what he once was.

"He wasn't going to hurt me!" I cried, falling beside Edward's still form when my father moved out of the way.

I pulled him gently in my arms, treating him tenderly as if he was sleeping and not gone forever.

"You don't understand, my child. The only way to save humanity was to shuffle off his mortal coil," he spoke, bending close to my ear as I pressed Edward's cold face to my chest.

I looked up at him, his beauty obscured by my tears.

"But he had made his choice. He wasn't going to hurt me," I whimpered, hating that with every breath I took, Edward's scent grew fainter.

Soon he would be nothing but a memory.

"I know he wasn't. And for that…he will be granted life everlasting."

I dropped Edward's corpse with such force that his skull bounced with a sickening thud against the hard floor.

"What now?" I shouted, staring up at his smiling face.

"He is up in Heaven as we speak. Why don't you go show him around?"

**Bah! I abused Deadward...what the fuck is wrong with me?**

**Ah..let's make it three...**


	21. Chapter 21

**EPOV**

Darkness reigned.

The floating warmth enveloped me, soothing me with a calm I had never known.

As the light started to bleed through the thin skin of my eyelids, I felt my body settle down on something soft.

I finally allowed myself to hope that I was indeed in Heaven.

In Hell there had been no softness, only the harsh bite of pain.

This though…whatever I was on conformed to my body, leaving no place for discomfort.

It was perfection.

"Time to wake up, Edward."

My eyelids fluttered as his voice made its way into my brain.

The light was blinding, but my eyes quickly adjusted.

And then the glow was shadowed as he leaned over me, his blond hair falling in waves between us.

"The name is Jasper, and before you start, yes I know it is a gay ass name."

My laughter broke free before I could stop it and it echoed up through the clouds.

"Fuck man, I'm the son of Satan and he gave me the awesome name - Edward. I think I can sympathize," I chuckled, holding out my hand and letting him pull me up to my feet.

I glanced around at the open meadow we were in, noticing there were tons of people just hanging out.

"So, this is Heaven?" I asked, turning back toward a grinning Jasper.

"Yep."

"Edward!" I spun toward the sound of her voice and smiled widely as I watched her push past people in her race to get to me.

"Jesus Christ," Jasper muttered as she sent someone that looked a lot like Princess Diana sprawling onto the floor.

"I actually think she likes to go by Bella," I said, holding out my arms to her as she got closer.

Oh yeah, I thought as she launched her soft curves into my embrace, this has to be Heaven.

**Come on...you know me better than that...**

**Not the end of the drama by a long shot...but at least you should be safe there for the night.**

**Tomorrow...**


	22. Chapter 22

**BellaEdwardlover wants me to get her more chapters...**

* * *

><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

He was here.

Even with his arms wrapped around me, I could barely believe that it was really happening.

In all my years of existence, I had played witness to a great many things.

But never once had my eyes seen anything as beautiful as the smile he bestowed on me in that moment.

"I am _so_ glad to see you," he said, tossing me a cheeky wink as he swung me around so I was carefully tucked under the safety of his arm.

"Yeah…I think I might be a touch more excited to see you, you know…alive," I replied, trying not to let him see the fear that had gripped me in those moments when I truly thought he was dead.

"Aw, you missed me?" he teased, dropping a kiss on the top of my head.

I tipped my face back and scowled at him.

"You think it's funny, do ya?" I spat, digging my elbow into his ribs.

He gasped and released me, wrapping his hand around the obviously tender spot on his side.

"Oh shit! I'm so sorry," I cried, my hands fluttering around him as if I could do something to stop his pain.

"Real nice. I sacrifice myself for the good of humanity and you abuse me," he said through clenched teeth.

I gently put my hands on his face and turned him toward me, pressing my lips lightly against his.

"Thank you for saving the world," I whispered and watched a smile lift the corner of his mouth.

"Yeah, whatever. All in a day's work."

**One today...I know...I suck. **

**Are you reading 'Watching Her' by les16? Fabulous and LONG chapters updated daily.**

**And it's Wednesday...which means 'Last Call' updates.**

**And Born's 'LRR' and 'Snowbound' by Edward's Eternal.  
><strong>

**I'm not reading much anymore...**

**Again I say...I suck.**


	23. Chapter 23

**Lady V honored me with a fuckawesome banner... I can't thank her enough!  
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** **i1164 . photobucket . com/albums/q565/kitkatcullen/64866b02 . jpg**  
><strong>

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

I wondered where the hell we might be able to find some privacy as I felt her press closer into my side.

Was this attraction thing fast?

Yeah.

Was it weird that not an hour ago we were mortal enemies?

Fuck yeah.

Was I fighting it?

Not on your life.

"Hey, what happened to Emmett?" Bella asked next to me, her eyes on Jasper.

He smirked and adjusted the white button-down shirt he wore.

"It seems that we might have lost Emmett to the Underworld."

"Oh no! She killed him? I knew I should have stayed down there and helped him, but I was so anxious to get back up here to Edward," Bella cried, pushing away from me as she ran toward the edge of the cloud.

"Bella! Jesus Christ girl, take a breath. He went down there _willingly_. Apparently she made him an offer he couldn't refuse," Jasper yelled, laughing when she skidded to a halt.

"What? You mean…he just went volunteered to go down to hell? With _her_?" she gasped, her eyes wide in disbelief.

"Sex can be a powerful thing," Jasper said seriously, and I ducked my head as a blush crept up my neck.

I wouldn't know.

Jasper chuckled as he slapped me on the back.

"I'm sure you'll be making up for lost time soon enough, Hell boy," he whispered before he just…poof…disappeared.

**I'm feeling another one...**


	24. Chapter 24

**Part two of a twofer... (That is a really weird looking word...twofer)**

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

I heard Jasper disappear but just couldn't bring myself to look at Edward now that we were alone.

That off-handed comment about sex had caught me off guard and suddenly I was a blithering idiot.

A _jealous_ blithering idiot.

The thought of another woman's hands on Edward's body…

Holy shit!

What if he had slept with someone awful like…Brittany Spears or something?

Oh wait…she's not dead yet, is she?

What if he…

"Bella?"

Had sex with someone…

"Bella?"

Really evil?

"Bella!"

I brought my head up and silenced my rambling internal monologue.

He was standing right in front of me, a nervous smile on his face.

"So, you want to tell me which of these awesome people up here I have to smack around for having had a taste of what's mine?" he asked, a hint of aggression in his tone.

"I'm sorry?"

He huffed loudly before he punched his fist into the palm of the other hand and glared at me.

"I suddenly feel the need to stake my claim. So kindly tell me who you've slept with up here so I can go beat them to a pulp."

Holy shit…I think I just came.

**Me too...**

**Good place to leave...I think so.**

**Tomorrow...**


	25. Chapter 25

**Got a few more chapters to BellaEdwardlover and her response...*shivers* scary as fuck!**

**So yeah...but not for a while...**

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

When she doesn't speak, I started to worry.

How many guys could it be?

I mean…I knew that there were some amazing dudes hanging around up here in the clouds.

And she _had_ been around for nearly two centuries.

Lots of time to get her groove on.

I hoped that none of them would fight back and fuck up my face, but I would suffer the consequences.

"Just tell me already! Was it River Phoenix? JFK Jr? If you tell me you slept with Chris Farley, I may have to smack _you_ before I go beat his ass," I rambled as I started to pace around.

She was really freaking me out.

"Calm down, Edward. You don't need to kick anyone's ass."

I stopped and turned back to where she stood shyly toeing the puff of the cloud with her sneaker.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm a virgin!" she yelled, flushing crimson as soon as the words were out of her mouth.

The relief was instantaneous and the joy was overwhelming.

"So you can just forget about beating people up to exert your dominance. I'm yours for the taking."

Sweeter words had never been uttered.

"Now…how about you quick tell me which nasty bitches you stuck that love stick into and then we can arrange to have them drawn and quartered."

**I can't help it...I'm a possessive, jealous bitch and it comes out in my writing. I can't even watch Rob in a love scene with anyone else...**

**Freak, table of one?**


	26. Chapter 26

**I caved...**

**But this is it!  
><strong>

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

His shy smile told me all I needed to know.

"Yeah…I haven't slept with anyone either," he admitted, the tips of his ears flaming pink.

"You are so fucking cute," I sighed, watching as he shuffled his feet awkwardly and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"It just felt wrong, you know. It felt like I was waiting for something. I actually never even got hard…before I saw…you," he said, his voice fading to a whisper.

And if that wasn't the most exciting thing I'd ever heard.

"You got hard when you saw me?" I question, stepping closer to him.

He nodded his head, keeping his eyes locked on the ground.

I could feel the heat of him as I got closer and it soothed the perpetual chill in my bones, leaving me feeling languid.

"Are you hard now, Edward?" I rasped, harnessing the power his words had given me.

He jerked his head up and the passion in his eyes left me breathless.

He pulled his hands from his pockets, leaving no camouflage for the erection that pressed against his jeans.

"Yes, Bella. My cock is constantly rock solid when I'm around you."

Okay, time to find a bed.

**Tomorrow? Yeah...tomorrow...**


	27. Chapter 27

**No drinking while reading warning for this one...**

**Funny shit ahead.**

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

She lunged forward and grabbed my hand, pulling me away from the cloud meadow and through a crowd of people that I hadn't even noticed.

This girl made everything else just disappear.

She didn't apologize as she pushed people to the side, stepping on toes and running over small children.

Thankfully no one seemed to be getting hurt, because at this point I think it would have taken an act of God to get her to stop.

"Bella!"

Shit.

She skidded to a halt so quickly; I plowed into her back, my boner jamming into her ass.

"Fuck me," I gasped, shaking her hand off mine so I could cup my throbbing manhood.

"That was what I was trying to do before we got interrupted," she said as she looked up at where her father stood, a frown on his majestic face.

"We have a problem," he bellowed, studiously ignoring the way I was massaging my painful nads.

"Yeah…it's called blue balls. I was _trying_ to solve the problem when you showed up," she snarked and I had to cover my laughter with a cough.

"Jesus Christ…I'm not talking about your libido! I'm talking about the fact that one of the Devil's minions has infiltrated Heaven."

"How the hell could that have happened?" she yelled, throwing her hands in the air dramatically.

"It seems that Emmett might have revealed where the doorway was," God sighed, and I could tell he was regretting ever thinking up sex in the first place.

"Do you know who it was that came through?" I asked, my voice still high after my hit to the junk.

"Hello, Edward."

I turned around and closed my eyes when I saw her standing there.

"Hello, Alice."

**Yep...Alice is..er...was in Hell. **

**One more? **


	28. Chapter 28

**Another one?**

**Yeah...**

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

Oh hell no.

The girl that stood behind Edward was tiny and just oozed evil.

Her hair was black and so sharply spiked around her face, I was sure she could kill you just by shaking her head.

She was dressed in red leather…or was it?

Nope...it was red body paint.

Holy shit.

The paint flowed over the delicate curves of her body, making her look like a beautiful snake.

Both cunning and lethal.

"Your dad sent me up to get you," she cooed as she ran one sharp as hell black fingernail down between her breasts.

Edward didn't respond and I was happy to see that his eyes stayed on her face.

I really didn't want to have to kick her ass for tempting my man.

"Looks like you finally managed to get it up after all these years," she said with a vicious smile as she pointed that same finger toward the fly of his jeans.

I jumped in front of him, shielding him with my body as I crossed my arms over my breasts.

"Hey skank…that's mine," I spat, feeling more confident as Edward wrapped his arms around my waist.

"I don't want his cock, Jesus Chick. But the rest of him is coming with me."

**Oh hell no...**

**Tomorrow...**


	29. Chapter 29

**So...I'm reading bexie25's 'How to save a life'...and she is holding chapters ransom until I update.**

**But this is it!**

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

Bella tensed in front of me as Alice started striding toward us.

There was no way I was going to let these two face off against each other.

I had seen Alice spar with guys like Attila the Hun down in Hell, and she was deadly.

"If you come down with me now, I won't put holes in your holy girlfriend," she teased in a whisper as she unsheathed a long, thin blade from a scabbard strapped to her thigh.

I tried to get Bella to move aside, but damn she was strong.

She stood her ground as Alice started flicking the blade through the air.

"Oh enough already!" God shouted from behind us.

Alice startled so badly, she dropped the weapon and Bella didn't hesitate as she pulled herself from my arms and scrambled to grab it.

"I'm not sure why the Devil sent you, Mary Alice, but we both know that you won't kill anyone. You should have been up here from the start, but you just had to go and piss me off right at the end, didn't you," he sighed as he stepped around us and towered over her little form.

Bella handed her father the blade before she joined me once more.

"Well I couldn't make it easy on you…could I? You let him take advantage of my mother…and in turn she birthed this…monstrosity," she spat, pointing her finger in my direction.

Crazy bitch says what?

"I tried to save your mother, I truly did. But he used his tricks on her…and by then it was too late. At least I allowed her ascend after her death. I didn't hold what he had done to her against her," God offered, but that only seemed to make Alice angrier.

"Yet you sent me down to him! I had to spend decade after decade with the man who raped my mother and his exalted demon spawn!" she shouted and…

Holy shit.

"You're my half sister?" I rasped, drawing all eyes to me.

"Damn you're slow. Yes, you fuck nut! Why do you think I hate you so much?"

**Crazy bitch says what?**

**Anyone see that coming? Yeah...me neither.**

**Tomorrow...**


	30. Chapter 30

**BPOV**

I could tell by the tremors running through Edward that he was not handling the news of his conception that well.

I turned and helped ease him down to his ass and pushed his head between his knees.

"Just breathe," I soothed, running my hand down his spine.

"He told me she wanted to be with him. He said she was fine after I was born. She wasn't, was she?" he asked, despair making his voice harsh.

I didn't have the answer to that, so I looked up at my father.

"No, my boy. She died giving birth to you. But as I said, I allowed her to enter through the gates without delay," my father assured him, but I could tell that wasn't enough for him.

"She must have hated me," he moaned, his fingers threading through his hair and pulling violently, as if he were trying to punish himself.

"I never hated you, my son," a sweet voice rang out, making Edward lift his head and stare at the woman dressed in white that had appeared.

With her auburn hair and bright green eyes, it was obvious Edward took all his traits from this woman...his mother.

"What about me, mom? Do you hate me?" Alice spat, hate in her eyes.

"I don't like you very much, Mary Alice. But I never hated you either," she said as she started to walk toward us.

Edward slowly got to his feet and pulled me into his side, taking strength from my presence.

"I can't tell you how sorry I am. I would do anything to take back…well…me," he said roughly.

Her hands reached for his and he grasped them tightly, while keeping me close.

"I would never have changed a single moment of what happened. Your father may have been Satan, but you have some of me in you as well. And I have never been as proud of anyone as I am of you right now. You sacrificed yourself for the good of the world, my son."

Edward fell to his knees, wrapping his arms around her waist and just held her.

And it was then that she looked up at me and smiled.

**Just one today...I thought I would 'attempt' to be respectful of my Christian readers since it's Easter and all...**

**Tomorrow I'll fuck with their beliefs again ;)**


	31. Chapter 31

**I loved hearing that a few of you had problems at church yesterday when the priest said 'Jesus Christ'. That right there...better than anything to me :)**

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

"While I'm enjoying this little impromptu family reunion, I really do need to take him back with me."

I pulled away from my mother's embrace and looked over at Alice, who was shifting awkwardly from foot to foot.

"How did he even get you to come up here? What did he threaten you with?" I asked, slowly rising to my feet.

She took her time sliding her weapon back into place on her thigh, her eyes not meeting mine.

"Answer your brother, Mary Alice," God demanded and she scowled at him, sticking her tongue out before she finally looked my way.

"He may have mentioned that he was going to try to create a new Anti-Christ if I didn't come and find you. And I just…I watched firsthand what happened to my mom when she was carrying his demon spawn. I couldn't let him do it to someone else."

Yeah…I think I would have done anything to stop that from happening too.

"Oh Alice, you know I would have done anything so I didn't have to leave you. I hated seeing you suffer after I was gone," my mom said, reaching out for her.

Alice managed to sidestep her searching hands and wrapped her arms around herself.

"Well…it was what it was. Now, unless you come with me, shit is gonna get epic real quick," she said, shaking off her emotions like a dog sheds himself of water.

"I can't let you take him," God said, moving to stand next to me.

I was surrounded by Bella, aka The Christ Child, on one side and the big man, God, on the other.

Ain't no way anyone was touching me.

**Hell no...no one is getting to Edward!**

**Just one today because I need to write more...I'm slacking :(  
><strong>


	32. Chapter 32

**Short one today...but I'm going to give you another one, just to be fair.**

**I love getting messages back from BellaEdwardlover that says:**

**"Ellipses hun...you don't need them in chapters..."**

**Yeah...I think I do. They are like air to me...or like Edward Cullen.**

**But yeah...I think I may have a problem :-/**

* * *

><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

Everything happened at once.

Jasper poofed in to say…something, and Alice pounced, wrapping her arm around his throat as she yanked her blade from its holder.

Daddy-o pushed Edward to the ground, shielding him with his body as Esme, also known as the Devil's baby momma tried to reason with Alice.

And what was I doing during all this, you ask?

I was trying not to freak the fuck out.

Edward was fighting my father, trying to get free.

But there was something he just didn't understand.

There was no way I could let him go back down there.

Nope…not gonna happen.

So I did the next logical thing.

"Take me!"

**Can you say 'Third Wife' anyone?**

**More...**


	33. Chapter 33

**EPOV**

"Oh come on! Bella…what the fuck are you thinking?"

Did…did God just curse?

He slowly rolled to his feet, using me as leverage, and faced his only child.

Bella crossed her arms over her chest and just stared at him.

"I can't let him go back down there. You know that Satan will make him suffer," she said, her voice wavering as she reached up quickly to wipe moisture from her cheek.

Aww…

She must really like me if she is trying to save me from what promises to be torture at the hands of my father.

But God was right.

"Bella, if you go down there…he'll kill you. And then everything we sacrificed will be for nothing," I said, trying to make her see that there was only one option.

Her eyes were full of tears and pain as she looked over at me and I desperately wanted to hold her one last time.

But before I could move, Alice appeared in front of me, an evil smile on her perfect face.

"I knew you would see reason," she gloated as she reached for my hand.

Then, with one last lingering glance at Bella…

We were gone.

**See...much better place to leave off.**

**Tomorrow...**


	34. Chapter 34

**So...I left ya hanging. I'm SUCH a bitch.**

**Good news...I finished writing this bad boy. 51 chapters. So we've got...um...yeah...math and me, we don't get along.**

**17! **

**Seventeen more chapters.**

**Phew...that was HARD!**

* * *

><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

My scream echoed loudly as I lunged for him, but my fingers grabbed empty air as they disappeared through the clouds.

I turned and scrambled to my feet, reaching for my father's white robes in hysterics.

"You have to save him!"

"I gave my children free will for a reason. Even if it is against what I think is right, he has the right to make his own decisions," he sighed as he reached down and picked me up off the ground.

My fists beat ineffectively against his massive chest.

"I didn't say anything when you let Osama plan the terrorist attacks. I didn't open my mouth when you said Kony deserved to make his own choices. But I can't allow you to let my man be brutalized," I yelled in his face, ignoring the spit that flew out of my mouth and onto his beard.

"Jesus…there isn't anything I can do!" he shouted, shaking me roughly.

"I have an idea."

Everyone turned to look at Jasper, who was still standing where Alice had left him.

"So, fucking tell us already!" I bellowed, shrugging out of my father's hold and stomping over to him.

"It's easy. We just go down there and get him," he said with a shrug.

I looked at him for a second before I leaned forward and kissed him right on the mouth.

"Why the hell didn't I think of that? Let's go!"

**How about one more today?**


	35. Chapter 35

**EPOV**

The trip down wasn't as nice as the trip up had been.

Alice shoved me through a narrow hole in the ground and rammed the heel of her boot up my ass.

I was _not_ looking forward to what dear ol' dad was going to do when I finally showed my face.

I was supposed to have held her heart in my hand.

And instead, she held mine.

She was my missing piece.

The peanut butter to my jelly.

The slam to my dunk.

The Gale to my Katniss.

What?

I'm a Hunger Games fan…sue me.

I was back in Hell, ready to submit to whatever punishment he was ready to inflict upon me.

But she was safe…and that was all that mattered.

"Move your scrawny ass," Alice barked from above.

I took one last breath of free air before I slowly made my way back down.

Down to Hell.

**Yeah...I know. I'm Team Gale...feel free to yell at me.**

**Oh yeah, and I'm sorry for leaving you hanging AGAIN.**

**But you love me...**


	36. Chapter 36

**I felt bad I left you where I did last chapter.**

**And this one is one of my favorites. **

**Oh...and thanks for letting me slide on Team Gale...although Peeta burning the bread for Katniss...KILLED ME!  
><strong>

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

"I'm sorry…you did what?" I gasped, unable to believe that I had heard him correctly.

"I had Emmett chipped," my father said proudly as he pulled up an app on his iPad.

I looked over at Jasper to see if he knew about this.

He just shook his head at me and looked over my father's shoulder.

"When I give an angel his or her wings, I also inject a GPS chip into their arm. It makes it easier to keep track of where they are. You wouldn't believe how many guardian angels go AWOL," he sighed as he slid his finger across the screen and we watched a red dot flashing frantically.

"Well now we know where he is. The question is how do we get down there?" I asked as the red dot moved back and forth. "What the hell is he doing?"

Everyone turned around and looked at me, their expressions disbelieving.

"Oh right…she's a virgin," my father said dryly, rolling his eyes at Esme and Jasper.

"What the fuck does that…oh!" I squeaked, heat flooding my cheeks as I realized what he must have been doing.

Bad angel…bad!

"What _is _nice about this app, is that I can backtrack and see exactly where they went underground. Then you and Jasper can follow their path," God said as he turned to me.

"If you get taken by Satan, I don't think I need to tell you that that means the end of everything."

Well shit Dad…hell of a pep talk.

**Tomorrow...**


	37. Chapter 37

**EPOV**

It smelled worse than I remembered as I walked through the narrow hallway and into my father's office.

The heads of his enemies sat atop his desk, a gruesome reminder to all who enter that if you fucked with the Devil…

You didn't leave with all your appendages.

He also had a drawer full of assorted penises.

Some people collect pens or stamps…my dad had amassed a huge pile of cocks.

Gross.

"Move it. I have places to be," Alice bitched behind me, poking me in the back with her perfectly sharp fingernail.

It was amazing how many manicurists were in hell.

Must be all the gossiping they do.

"I'm going. You'll forgive me if I'm not excited to face my father after I failed," I whispered harshly over my shoulder.

My feet dragged, sneakers squeaking on the stone floor as he came into view.

"I don't think I have to tell you how disappointed I am in you, Edward," his voice echoed off the high walls, making me feel surrounded by his presence.

I stayed silent.

"Did you at least fuck him up before he killed you?" he asked, looking over me as if hoping to find a missing limb.

"Get this…the Christ child is a girl," Alice spat, striding over to stand beside his desk.

"A girl? Well I guess the books were wrong all around. The Savior is a woman and the Anti-Christ is a pussy."

**Giggles...**

**I love this chapter...**

**One more for the day...**


	38. Chapter 38

**BPOV**

"Are you sure you should be coming with me? I mean…what if he takes you hostage and demands my life for yours. You _know_ I won't be able to watch you die," I whined as Jasper led the way through the sewers.

Of course you get to hell through a sewer.

Although I thought maybe there was a secret backdoor in every Starbucks.

"I swear on a stack of bibles, if you don't shut up I will tape your Goddamn mouth shut," Jasper mumbled as he waded through the hip-deep water.

"What? I just want to know what the plan is," I said, exasperated that I was being kept in the dark.

"You wanna know the plan? Well here it is - I'm going to try and get your boy out of there without anyone getting killed. And maybe I can get a piece of that little Alice chick while we're at it," he said as he pushed open a huge door in the wall of the pipe.

"You seriously want to get with that girl? She seems like they type that would want to go at you with a whip before she…" I trailed off as I noticed the dreamy look in Jasper's eye.

"Okay…that's disgusting. Please refrain from talking about anything sexual from now on, m'kay?"

"Whatever. You do know it was your mother that was supposed to be the virgin and not you, right? I don't know how you passed up all the prime tail up there," Jasper said over his shoulder as he walked through the door and into an ominous looking stone hallway.

"Fuck off. I just didn't want to be a slut. Now shut your mouth and lead the way. I want to go rescue my man."

**So...Jasper's a submissive. And I think I might be reading too much BDSM (or is there such a thing as TOO much BDSM?)**

**Tomorrow...**


	39. Chapter 39

**Don't worry...this will not end up a story about flogging. Just wanted to throw something in there. :) **

**Who knows...maybe I'll do a Mistress Alice outtake for one of the million causes I participate in.**

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from defending myself.

It wouldn't do any good anyway.

If Satan said you're a pussy…you're a pussy, end of story.

_I _thought it took a lot of strength to sacrifice myself.

Guess he didn't agree.

"Now, I've had the boys going through the books in search of another way to free us, and it looks like we might have found a loophole," he said, rising from his throne.

I took an involuntary step back as he walked around the desk and stood in front of me.

"You, my boy, are going to ascend to the throne!" he announced as he put his hand on my shoulder.

I glanced up at him and tried to see if he looked as bat shit crazy as he sounded.

"And where the hell are you going to be while I'm sitting pretty on your throne?" I asked, not really wanting to hear the answer.

"I will be waiting in the wings for when we bring the Savior down. I have a team on the way up to Heaven as we speak. We need to act now before they realize what we're planning. I'm not sure how long it will be before they find the loophole as well," he said, grabbing my arm with his slimy hand and pulling me toward the door.

"Wait! Where are you taking me?" I yelled, trying to get out of his grip.

"We need to make you look the part." He turned and looked at me, the roaches and spiders that covered him slowly making their way off of him and up onto my arm.

By the time I opened my mouth to scream…I was covered.

**Scary as fuck, remember? **

**Trust me?**


	40. Chapter 40

**I love that half the reviews just say 'gross'. :)**

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

"How do you know which way to go?" I whispered as I crouched down behind Jasper.

We had been walking for what felt like hours, often having to crawl on our hands and knees to fit through the narrow openings.

And I was getting antsy.

"Will you please shut the fuck up? We'll get there when we get there and until then, just be quiet and follow me," he hissed and it took all my willpower not to shove my finger up his ass.

Although knowing him, he would probably like that.

"I just…something's wrong Jasper. We need to go faster," I pleaded, the ache in my chest getting stronger.

My Christ-senses were tingling…warning me that we needed to get to Edward as soon as possible.

Just as I opened my mouth to bitch at Jasper yet again, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Literally.

"Now, I want you to listen to me very carefully – once we get in here you need to be very quiet and move slowly. One false move and…" he said in a dramatic whisper, but I was done listening to him.

I pushed past him and tore out into the massive space, my eyes taking in the flaming lake and the shocked expressions of the people milling around.

I heard Jasper calling for me, but I ignored him and ran as fast as I could.

I would find him…

No matter what.

**Go Christ!**

**Tomorrow...**


	41. Chapter 41

**EPOV**

The cuffs dug into my wrists as I struggled to get free.

As much as I hoped for someone to rescue me, I also feared that it might actually happen.

Because the only person who could save me now was Bella.

And the thought of her seeing me like this…

No.

I had to try and get myself free.

I had learned soon after my father strung me up against the wall that if I opened my mouth, the roaches would crawl inside and down my throat.

Gah…

So I kept my lips clamped shut to avoid that as I fought against my steel imprisonment.

"It will go much faster if you just accept your fate."

I looked over to where my father stood, lounging against the wall.

His skin was free of insects since they were all covering me now and those gaping wounds looked much worse without their buggy camouflage.

I closed my eyes and shook my head, struggling harder as I yanked and pulled at the cuffs until I could feel blood running down my arm.

"She isn't worth it."

I slowly blinked my eyes open and met his stare.

I wanted to open my mouth and scream that she was…

She was worth all this and more.

But instead I just hoped all my hatred and anger was visible in my eyes.

He heaved a great sigh and shook his head before he turned around and walked away.

My legs pushed against the binds that secured me to the wall, but they wouldn't give.

My strength was failing and all I could think of was Bella.

I swore I could even hear her voice in my head.

But…

"Edward!"

I turned my head to the right and felt a little bit of me die as I watched her sprint into the room, her hair fanning out behind her like a cape.

My beautiful super hero.

I could tell the moment she realized that it was me beneath the swarming mass of insects; she swayed and reached out toward the wall to steady herself.

When she started to walk over to me, I shook my head violently, sending spiders careening toward the floor.

All I could picture was her touching me and the bugs crawling onto her.

"Well if isn't the big JC herself," my father smirked as he stepped out from where he had been hiding.

He knew she would come for me.

And now…we were fucked.

**They are SO fucked...**


	42. Chapter 42

**BPOV**

Holy shit.

Bugs…bugs covered every inch of him.

His arms were chained up over his head, thick metal cuffs keeping his hands locked to the wall.

Wide steel bands held his feet still, leaving him immobile and vulnerable.

Tears clouded my vision when he started to shake his head, as if he was trying to warn me to stay back.

But fuck that - I was getting him out of here no matter what.

"Well if isn't the big JC herself."

I pulled my eyes away from Edward from one moment and then wished I hadn't.

The Devil stood before me in all his heinous glory.

Without the insects to hide him, he was even more grotesque than I had pictured.

But I knew if I wanted to get Edward out, I needed to show no fear.

"What's up Satan? I think you have something that belongs to me. He was claimed fair and square and you broke the rules when you sent Alice up to get him," I said, trying to keep my voice light and disinterested.

"Fair and square? You're on my turf now, Christ child…there ain't nothing fair down here. There's my way or the highway," he said smoothly as he pushed himself away from the wall and walked toward me.

Edward started fighting against his bonds furiously, his feet kicking as he screamed behind his closed lips.

I stood my ground as Satan walked behind me, his bony finger running over my shoulder as he passed.

"Are you willing to take his place?" he whispered in my ear, his fetid breath making me gag.

I looked over at Edward…at his wide-eyed expression and the pain I could see in that green gaze.

Was I willing to give up my life for his?

You better believe it.

But I'd rather get us both out of there alive.

**Will she? **

**Tune in next time.**

**Oh...and just so you don't worry...the update will be late tomorrow, closer to lunch time, because I'm going out to run the route for my half-marathon. Hopefully I will survive those 13.1 miles and will update when I get home.**


	43. Chapter 43

**I did it! 13.1 miles in 2 hours and 3 minutes. **

**While I try not to die...you can enjoy this chapter :)**

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

He was so close to her.

My heart was thundering in my chest as he leaned over and whispered something in her ear.

And then her eyes met mine.

In that dark chocolate stare, I could see so much.

I could see our past.

I could see our future.

I could see her love.

And that was when I noticed the sliver-bladed dagger in her hand.

She winked at me as she raised the blade and spun around, nailing my father in the neck with the weapon.

He fell to his knees, his mangled hands grabbing for the blade.

Bella sprinted over to me, ignoring my wordless protests and scrambled to get me free.

Suddenly she wasn't alone.

Jasper and Emmett were next to her, desperately trying to free me.

I could see Alice and Rosalie behind them, standing watch over the Devil as he rolled onto his back, thick black blood oozing from between his fingers like oil.

"I'm going to get you out, Edward," Bella wept, tears streaming down her face as she fought against the thick steel cuffs.

I was looking into her eyes when the first wave of evil hit me.

Like nausea, it passed through my stomach and spread out into my limbs.

My father had wanted me to ascend to the throne.

But what I hadn't realized was that in order for me to ascend…he would have to die.

And as I watched his hands slowly fall from his throat, I realized he had gotten what he was after.

**Uh oh...**

**I'm going to be a bitch and leave it there.**

**Tomorrow!**


	44. Chapter 44

**So...I'm a give you three chapters today...spaced out.**

**Here is one :)**

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

I knew the moment that it happened.

It was like watching someone die.

One second I was looking into his loving green eyes and the next…

The insects swarmed off of me and covered him once again, as if he had called them back.

The cuffs snapped open all on their own, freeing him instantly.

Jasper and Emmett stepped back, no doubt sensing the change that had happened, but I held my ground.

He stepped away from the wall, his eyes never leaving mine as he approached.

I didn't move as he towered over me, his eyes no longer green, but now a deep, rich red.

Blood red.

"The evil is in me now, sweet Isabella. And the time has come to end this charade," he said, his voice so deep it made my bones vibrate.

"No. I know he is in there. I know you are, Edward. You just need to fight," I said vehemently, tipping my head up so I could hold his gaze.

"That part of him that you loved is gone. Only the evil exists now," he growled as he leaned down and grabbed my arm.

Emmett and Jasper yelled behind me, no doubt trying to find a way to rescue me, but they didn't understand that if Edward was truly gone…

So was I.

**:(**

**Laters...**


	45. Chapter 45

**So glad so many of you hated me. That means I'm doing something right!**

**Another BPOV cause you know...Edward is all Devily and stuff.  
><strong>

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><p><strong>BPOV <strong>

His hand was painfully tight around my arm, but I could barely feel it.

What I could feel was my heart breaking inside me.

There was no recognizable spark of Edward in the red-eyed monster before me.

And I was petrified that this was the end.

Not so much the end for me, but the end for all humanity.

He spun me around, slamming my back against the unforgiving stone wall and moved so his body blocked everything around me.

I closed my eyes but all that was there behind my closed lids was the good that I had witnessed on the Earth.

The kindness and the beauty.

The benevolence and the purity.

The love.

And as my eyelids flickered up, the visions fading away until all I could see was the remnants of the man who had captured my heart, I realized there was one more thing I could try.

He didn't stop me as I lifted my hands to his face, trying to ignore the shifting of the roaches beneath my palms.

I met his crimson stare and tried to show him all of my love.

I leaned up on my toes and watched as his eyes widened the closer I got.

"I love you, Edward."

I pressed my lips to his firmly, trying to remember his perfect scent and the way his proximity affected my senses.

Everything else around me ceased to be.

There was no noise, no light, and no movement.

In that perfect moment there was only the two of us and our transcendental love.

And somehow I knew it was the answer to it all.

**Aww...love is the answer :)**

**One more after I try to catch up with Amber1983's 'The Search' and check to see if 'Snow Job' has updated yet. Grr...I promised myself I wouldn't read any more WIPs...but they are SOOOO good :)**

**Now can I have more 'How to save a life" Bexie?  
><strong>


	46. Chapter 46

**EPOV**

The time between when my father took his last breath and when Bella proclaimed her love and pressed her lips to mine were lost in the ether.

There was no here or there - only a vague sort of floating ambivalence.

But when her lips hit mine, her breath invading my lungs, her taste exploding on my tongue…

I became me again.

Blinking my eyes rapidly, I could feel the bugs falling off me, their fragile bodies hitting the floor.

And then…there she was.

"Bella."

Her arms wrapped around my shoulders, holding me against her as if she worried I might disappear.

But where would I go?

She had saved me.

She had saved us all.

Somehow she had realized that the only thing that could defeat true evil was the perfection of true love.

And wasn't she just the shit?

**She IS the shit.**

**And so are you...**

**5 more chapters...**

**See you tomorrow.**


	47. Chapter 47

**I realized I hadn't thrown my love at BellaEdwardlover1991 in a while...**

***LOVE***

**There it is...**

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

"I don't know about you guys, but I really think now would be a good time to get the fuck out of here."

We all turned to look at Emmett, who had pulled Rosalie into his arms and was staring at what was left of Satan.

His skin and bones were melting into the rough stone beneath him, a bubbling mass of goo.

"Yeah, I would have to agree," I said as I yanked at Edward's hand, pulling him toward the exit.

"Wait! What happens to all the people down here? They won't get out, will they?" he asked, and I was glad Jasper had the answer.

"It's fine. Satan wasn't in charge of keeping the minions in hell. He was just down here as punishment. The evil that roam the Earth will still enter after their death and those that are here will not be able to find their way out. It's okay, Edward, you are free to leave," he said reassuringly and with a touch of pride, as if he realized that Edward would have stayed if it meant keeping the wicked in their immortal prison.

"Okay, good. Now let's get the fuck outta here," he sighed as he pulled me close to his side and started to follow Jasper.

The six of us made our way back through the narrow cave and into the sewer.

I heaved a great sigh of relief when the hatch was finally closed and sealed for good.

Even standing hip deep in the shit water that flowed around us, I couldn't have been happier.

Edward was out of Hell and safe.

And he was mine.

**Awww...shit water- gross.**

**More? One more...**


	48. Chapter 48

**EPOV**

The purity of Heaven was overwhelming after I had been back in Hell, and I swore to myself that I would never forget how blessed I was.

And now we stood at the edge of the cloud, awaiting God's decision on whether or not Alice and Rosalie would stay.

"What the hell is he doing?" Bella huffed and I looked down at her.

"What does he usually do?" I asked, curious as to how people spent their time up here in the heavens.

"I have no idea. I ignored him for the most part since it was always just lectures on how to kill…well…you," she laughed, snuggling her face into my side and looking up at me.

It's amazing how your whole world can just flip on its side when you meet the right person.

I looked up from her deep brown eyes as a rhythmic sound started echoing around us.

"What the hell is that?" I asked, my words earning a round of laughter from behind me.

"Sounds like someone is gettin' some," Emmett joked as he pulled Rosalie into the cradle of his body.

Huh?

"Oh yes! God…yes, right there!"

The loud, obviously happy female voice called out and I felt a blush rush up from my chest as I realized what was happening.

"Holy shit. Is God getting it on?" I rasped, turning around to look at the four more experienced people behind me.

"He totally is…and from the sound of it, he is doing an awesome job," Rosalie smirked as she rubbed her ass against Emmett's hips.

"I'm surrounded by horn dogs," Bella sighed as she hid her face in my shirt.

"Yes, Esme! I'm coming!"

"I'm going to be sick," I groaned as I bent over and tried to breathe through the rolling nausea.

"My dad is boinking your mom?" Bella gasped and I nodded.

"Does that make us like…siblings or something?"

I turned my head and looked up at her.

"Bella, I love you but please shut the fuck up right now before I lose my shit!" I screeched.

"Well look what the cat dragged in."

I looked up at God as he came out from behind a partition, still tying the sash of his robe.

"Gross dude," I moaned as I stood up.

"Hey, sex is natural. Sex is fun," he smirked.

"Sex is best when its one on one," Alice and Rosalie said in unison from behind us, and then proceeded to giggle like children.

"You two, you just earned your way up to Heaven with that one," God laughed as he opened his arms and the girls walked to his side.

He first bent and kissed Rosalie's forehead.

"I'm sorry you felt I deserted you in your most vulnerable time, my child. But I wanted you to find your inner strength."

He then turned to Alice and took her face in his palms.

"And you, Mary Alice, you needed to see that while I might have taken what you thought you so desperately needed, the power to stand strong was inside you all along. You didn't need your mother to show you the way…you knew it already."

Both girls looked up at him with tears in their eyes as they thanked him and then they went back to their respective heavenly bodies.

Emmett grabbed Rosalie and swung her around while smothering her with kisses.

Jasper meanwhile, stood calmly and let Alice come to him, a natural submissive obeying his Dominatrix's every whim.

Again I say...gross.

"Now for you two, I think it's time we gave you some much deserved privacy. I can't thank you enough for your sacrifice, Edward. The two of you saved the world."

With one hard slap on my back, he and the rest of them poofed into thin air, leaving Bella and I alone.

Finally.

**Yes...FINALLY.**

**Tomorrow :)**

**Anyone who gets the song reference in there...I'll send them the next chapter in a review reply ;)**


	49. Chapter 49

**There is one thing different in this chapter than the one I sent out...and it is kinda funny...so keep your eye out for it.**

**I was proud how many 'mature' readers we have that got George Michael's 'I want your sex' right yesterday. I'm pretty sure I sent this out to everyone who got it right and had their PMs enabled.  
><strong>

**BPOV**

They're gone.

And it's just us.

"So, do you want to go to my…" I started to ask him, but his lips silenced me.

I guess here is as good as anyplace to lose our virginities.

"Oh Bella, my sweet Virgin Christ," he moaned into my mouth as his hands timidly traced over my waist and down to my hips.

He was hard and unyielding against my curves and I love the juxtaposition of sensations.

I gave in to the weakness in my knees and eased myself down to the softness of the clouds beneath me.

He followed willingly, keeping our hands and mouths together in a desperate link.

My jeans, his shirt, my bra…they all disappeared until we were bare.

His skin was tan from all those decades in front of the flaming lake and my tongue brushed against the fair hair on his chest as he settled above me.

This was perfect.

This was right.

All I could think as I looked down his body to his burning bush, where he stood hard and proud was...

"Holy shit…there is no way that is going to fit!"

**Missy wanted me to make sure I kept the note I sent out, so...**

**Massive cock alert!**

**I said Burning Bush...HA!**

**Yeah I did. :)**

**Two left...one more today and then one tomorrow...and then...THE END. :(  
><strong>


	50. Chapter 50

**Last regular chapter. But it is like...epically long (for a Kitkat drabble anyway)**

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

Her finger was trembling as she pointed at my dick and I tried desperately not to laugh.

I had seen enough man-junk down in hell to know I was blessed, but I just thought that a small penis was a requirement in hell.

Maybe I was just a freak of nature.

"Bella, I'm sure it will fit. We just need to make sure you're ready," I snickered as I crawled up her body, stopping to leave wet kissing on the inside of her knee and along her hip.

She smelled so good as I got closer to her secrets, like rain and flowers and all kinds of good shit.

Well not shit but…gah!

My brain is melting.

Her hips undulated in a sinuous wave as I pressed my lips against the top of her slit, breathing her in and savoring this first taste.

First of many if I had anything to say about it.

"Sweet Jesus Christ, please Edward!" she begged, her hands grabbing onto my hair and pulling desperately as she arched her body toward my face.

"Eager little beaver, aren't you?" I laughed against her, the vibration making her body jerk.

"Yes…now put your damn tongue inside my beaver before I kill you!" she screeched, and then her voice faded away into nothing as I latched my lips onto her clit, sucking like there was no tomorrow.

"Oh God!" she cried and I was distracted by a sudden rush of wind at my side.

I looked up and froze at the sight of the person standing next to me.

"Oh shit! I thought you called me!" he barked hoarsely.

God covered his face with his hands and spun around, bumping into walls in his rush to get the fuck outta there.

"Go away!" Bella cried, as she struggled to cover herself, but by then he was gone.

She looked up at me and I started to laugh.

I couldn't help it.

After everything we'd been through, of course our first time would be this ridiculous.

But I would be damned if we would be interrupted again.

I slid up her body, feeling her silky skin sliding against mine as I settled into the softness of her form.

"I love you," I whispered against her lips as I let the tip of my cock find its home within her folds.

"Oh, Edward, I love you too," she breathed, her nails digging into my shoulders as I eased myself inside her.

The resistance was fleeting as I pressed my hips forward and then there was a glorious sliding heat.

"Fuck," I moaned as I felt my hips settle against hers.

I looked down at her flushed face, her eyes wide and slightly damp.

"You're mine," I sighed as I kissed her gently, fighting the urge to just slam into her.

"Yes I am. And you're mine too, so if I catch you looking at any of the angel tail up here…I'll rip your balls off," she said as a tear rolled down her temple.

"Never. The only tail I want to look at is yours, forevermore."

Unable to hold still any longer, I gently eased myself from the warmth of her body and surged forward.

Our voices mingled in mutual passion as we came together again and again.

It was perfect.

It was beautiful.

It was…

"Holy shit!"

Over after two minutes.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. You just feel so good," I moaned breathlessly as I collapsed on top of her.

She giggled as she ran her hands down my spine.

"Don't worry, Edward. We have eternity to work on your stamina."

**Yeah...I made Edward a two minute man.**

**I've done this before, if I remember correctly...'Bed and Breakfast' I think.**

**I think that might be more sacrilegious than making Jesus a chick :)**

**Tomorrow for the last chapter.  
><strong>


	51. Chapter 51

**Epilogue**

**EPOV**

"Yes, that's it! Just grab that branch above you and…oh Bella, yes," I moaned as she followed my directions perfectly.

After a century together, one would think we would get tired of each other.

"Edward…harder! Oh fuck me hard!"

But that had yet to happen.

"Baby, you know what it does to me when you talk like that," I growled as I watched her tits bounce with my thrusts.

Her hands were clasped around the branch of a tree and her legs were wrapped around my hips.

She was gloriously naked and I got to see every inch of where she was hot and glistening for me.

My eyes trailed over the smooth skin of her belly to where we were joined, and I griped onto her hips tighter for fear of falling over.

Her sweet little lips held me snugly as I disappeared inside her, only to come back out shiny and slick with her wetness.

Oh yeah…life is good.

"Bella, you let go of that tree and make yourself come, right now," I panted, groaning as I watched her fingers move over her clit furiously.

"That's it! Oh yes, Edward!" she screamed as her head fell back and I could feel the friction increasing inside of her.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and held her tight as I sheathed myself in her again and again, wishing there was some way I could crawl inside of her.

My orgasm tackled me from behind, wrecking my balance and making me wobble forward, pushing Bella into the tree trunk behind her and my cock even deeper inside her.

"Shit…sorry about that," I huffed as I tried to catch my breath.

"Hmmm, you know I love it when you fuck me so hard you can't stand. Er…I can't stand. Whatever - that was some good fucking," she mumbled incoherently, her breath soft on my bare shoulder.

After we got cleaned up and dressed once more, we wandered over to where everyone was gathered for a 'big announcement'.

I plopped down next to Jasper and pulled Bella into my lap, watching as Alice directed his every movement with just her eyes.

While the whole BDSM thing wasn't for me, I had to admit I got hot and bothered watching Alice control Jasper.

It might be nice not to have to make any decisions at all.

She told him what to eat, what to drink…hell even when to take a piss.

And he loved it.

Bella nipped my earlobe and hissed in my ear.

"You keep watching them and I'm going to borrow Alice's whip."

I hesitated only a second before I swung my eyes back to hers and smiled.

It sounded good in the abstract, but I was a pussy.

"Do we know what the hell this is all about?" Emmett boomed as he settled down next to me, Rose in his lap.

"Not a clue. Daddy-o just said to be here for an announcement. Hell, it looks like everyone is here," Bella said as she looked around, noticing how crowded the meadow was.

A hush fell over the crowd as God walked out from behind a cloud, his white robe reflecting the bright sun.

"My children, I have something to tell you."

No one spoke or moved as we all waited for what he would say next.

"After many millennia alone, I have decided that it is time to settle down. May I present my bride, Esme."

My mom came out, looking beautiful and happy in a matching white robe, delicate flowers braided through her long hair.

"Oh, hell no!"

Everyone turned and looked at Bella, who had pushed herself up and was stalking toward her father.

"Do you know what this means? It means I'm having sex with my _brother_! That is just…no. You can't do this to us," she whined and I hurried to go grab her and stop her ridiculous verbal tirade.

"Bella, honey, shut up," I whispered in her ear as I gently put my hand over her mouth.

"But…"

"No buts. We are not related. Don't be an idiot. I love you far too much to have to smack you," I said softly as I pulled my hand from her mouth and tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Aw, I love you too. But if you smack me, I'll send you back down to Hell, Devil boy," she cooed as she wrapped her arms around me and kissed me.

"Jesus Christ, you say the sweetest things."

**I had a hard time figuring how to end this bitch...so I decided to end with some insanity and funny...much like I started.**

**I'm hitting complete but there will *probably* be an Alice/Jasper outtake if I can get in the right headspace.  
><strong>

**I'm so glad I didn't offend you all TOO badly...see...God is still good and sex is natural, sex is fun and if you just be true to yourself and be nice to each other, then you can go to heaven and a body-painted sexpot can tell you when to pee.**

***sigh* I am SO going to hell ;)**

**Huge thanks to BellaEdwardlover1991 for looking over these chapters and 'trying' to cure me of my ellipse addiction. **

**To all of you...new and old...I can't thank you enough. I am hoping to be hit with another daily plot bunny because I know how much I love my daily fixes...and if I can do the same to you...well then it is worth it.**

**MWAH!**

**KK**


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